Autism and Learning with Dolls

L, age 2 1/2, and in the process of being evaluated for autism ( all the signs are there), had a great time learning about body parts yesterday. He never really seemed to care before, at least not when we worked together. But yesterday he found a doll that made sounds and was fascinated.

I found it interesting that when the doll made laughing sounds he laughed as well, and when the doll made crying sounds he hugged it. So cute, and gave a little insight into his perceptions of emotions. As he played I would verbalize that the baby is laughing or baby is crying, baby is sad.

After he had sat near me and played with the doll for awhile he began to interact with me, so I started pointing out the dolls nose, ears, mouth, etc. I would point to the dolls nose and say "Dolls nose" and then tap his nose and say "L's nose." Then move on to ears, mouth, eyes, etc. He loved it. When we moved on to hands, feet, etc. he would double over laughing. For variety we would also point to my nose, my ears, and so on. We kept it light and playful,  laughed a lot and had a great time while grabbing a teachable moment and making the most of it.

Special Needs Links

Here are some links to some articles that I found interesting. Linking to an article does not always mean I agree with everything written there, but it does mean that I feel it has some good food for thought. Enjoy.

Co-Ed Resdidental Treatment Facilities  from Tips for Troubled Teens

Sensory Links from Hartley's Life With 3 Boys

Setting Up an Autism Classroom on a Budget from Autism Classroom.com

Five Benefits of Growing up With an Austistic Sibling from The Autism News

Helping Kids Manage Anger from Dr. Michele Borba's Reality Check

Shut Up from Both Hands and a Flashlight

Special Needs Links

Here are a few things I've read recently that I've found interesting and wanted to pass along.  Each of these posts is good food for thought and I hope you enjoy them.

Alexandra Rohde: Celebrities With Bipolar Depression - Leading a Normal Life?

Stuart Duncan - Austism From a Father's Point of View: Stimming:What Is It? Why Do Autistics Do It?

Life With My Special Ks: I Don't Have Down Syndrome All The Time . . .

Living With RAD: RAD and Social Issues

When Love Was Not Enough: Parenting Our RAD Child: - Choosing Life

Daily Adventures at Rose's House Sunday June 6, 2010

My laptop decided to be difficult the last few days and Doug has been working with it trying to get it to work properly again. I'm finally back online again but not sure how long it will last. I just may get a new laptop yet.

We've missed a lot of church lately because of the number of kids we have on Sundays. But we decided that is going to have to change so today we took them all with us. We had ten children (including ours) between the ages of 3 months and 13 years old. It was interesting. 

We were almost ready to go when one of the children decided to meltdown after I discovered he had stolen about ten  pieces of gum from one of the the other kids and then lied about where he got it. After tearing a piece of paper to shreds and throwing it in the floor, knocking over a chair, and punching and biting me,  accompanied by a lot of bizarre laughter and disturbing comments, he finally calmed down. He did lose quite a few privileges though in the process. While all this was going on I was wondering if we had made the wrong decision to try to take him to church this morning. I found myself trying not to laugh during the service when he stood up during the praise time and said he was thankful for friends and family. It's just amazing how fast the moods and behavior can change for him.

The rest of the morning went well with the exception of losing the baby's pacifier (finally found it after church) and lots and lots of spit up from the baby caused by his acid reflux. It seemed a little worse than normal today.

I was so grateful that most of the younger kids settled down and took good naps after lunch. That was a much needed treat and allowed me to recharge my batteries a little.

We spent most of the evening relaxing on the front porch and now the little ones are in bed.

More Alike Than Different

It's a little mind boggling to me sometimes that there are thirty different children here on a fairly regular basis. I've been thinking a lot recently about the mix of children we have here and how that works out daily. About how each day is different, each day is a blessing, each day is an adventure (and each day is exhausting). And no matter the strengths and weaknesses, each child brings some something special to our group.

We have so many issues to deal with each day. Within this group there are physical challenges - asthma, acid reflux, tumors, blindness in one eye, migraines, allergies, and seizures. We also deal on a daily basis with ADHD, Bipolar, Nonverbal Learning Disorder, Asperger's ,Oppositional Defiant Disorder, anxiety, depression, global developmental delays, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, and one of our kids is nonverbal. And within all of this there are also the kids who have no diagnosis, no major problems, are healthy and "neurotypical."

There are lessons I am learning as I spend each day with these kids.

I am learning that the human spirit is amazingly resilient. That even though there are frequent setbacks, days that are discouraging, long and exhausting and days when it seems there always just one more drama around the corner, there is always tomorrow. We always get to try again. And the amazing thing is, they really do try again. Sometimes it seems like it's two steps forward, two steps back, one step forward, three steps back, five steps forward. But they try.  They get up and try and try again. And on the days when I think there is simply no way I can keep going I realize I can't let them down when they are fighting so hard. And so we all get up together and keep on going.

I've learned that I can function on very little sleep and lots of coffee. For a surprising number of days. I've also learned that eventually it will catch up with me and I will crash. Hard. So now I try to build mini breaks into my days. Even if it's just to read a few blogs that help me not to feel alone, catch up on my twitter friends, sit quietly for five minutes and breathe deeply. These little breaks are invaluable.


One of the most real lessons to me, though,  is how in spite of all the "differences" we are really all more alike than different. We all want to be loved, to be happy and safe, to be valued for who we are individually. We were each created and designed for a special place and we want the chance to fit into that place and grow into the people we are meant to be. And it's such a privilege for me to be able help each of these kids, even if only in some small way, to find that person and place they are meant to be. 

Today's Random Thoughts

I had to take a First Aid/CPR class yesterday because my certification ran out in March. My part time helper and I went together since hers was about to expire as well. The class was scheduled from 5-10:30p. Normally if the students demonstrate competency in the skill we are not required to do every single drill provided in the class and are finished well before 10:30. Not this time! Our instructor was adamant that we practice, practice, practice. I do see her point, I definitely have skills drilled into my head, but that was a really long class! And my wrist is sore from doing so many chest compressions on the practice dummy over and over and over and over. But now I'm certified for another two years. Yay!

I knew I was certifiable.

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As I was sitting in the office this morning doing some work I was listening to Amanda pointing out various stuffed animals in the playroom and asking Michael what color each one was. He identified nearly every color correctly - blue, green, purple, yellow, red. He had to try twice with orange, at first he said red, and when asked again correctly said orange. And I had to think how, when I first met him, in the hospital at five months old, and even for the next ten months to a year the professionals - Doctors, therapists, etc - said he was possibly blind and deaf, that he could not be expected to develop and learn much at all, that the damage and brain tissue loss from the many times he stopped breathing were going to cause irreversible damage. In fact, many times we were not even sure if he was going to live through the latest crisis. He's now 3 1/2 and counts to 10, knows most of the alphabet, correctly identifying most letters, knows his colors, most of his shapes, loves being read to and has memorized parts of his favorite books. This is the child who stole my phone and camera this morning and ran through the house yelling "Nana-nana boo-boo" with me in hot pursuit. The child who regularly gets my cell phone, redials the last person I spoke too, and has long conversations with them that leave them laughing. I say all this to say, Never, never give up. Miracles do happen.


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Today my most repeated phrase to myself was "I choose to be happy!" It's amazing how much difference it makes in my attitude and how I feel when I make a conscious choice to be happy, no matter what. Happiness is a choice, it really is. It doesn't mean that I like everything that happens or that I won't work to change some things.  But right now, in this moment, I choose to be happy. It is possible.

I ve discovered I can post to my blog via email (I know, these things take me awhile sometimes).

G, one of our more challenging kids got off the bus here after school and I wasn't expecting him today. I guess dad forgot to tell me there was a schedule change. Since he requires close supervision I have the pleasure of watching him play playstation games and experiment with email posting. Since T is also here today and also requires close supervision (though not as close as G) this could be interesting.

The EEG That Hasn't Happened - Yet

I've been trying to get another EEG for Austin. His pediatrician agreed to give us a referral and promised that his nurse would call us as soon as it was set up. So I waited for a few days and still I hadn't received a phone call. I thought maybe we would be getting the notice in the mail so I waited a while longer. Then I have to admit Austin was doing very well and it slipped my mind for a little. I suddenly realized it had been almost a month so I called the pediatrician's office and had to leave a message. The next day the office called back and apologetically explained that it had somehow been overlooked. She promised to get it taken care of right away. A few days later she called me back with an appointment for March 24. Today. So I made all the arrangements for our usual back up helper to take over here with the kids. Doug took  time off from work so he could go with us. This morning I made sure things were set up so that it would be as easy as possible for our helper. I wrote out the instructions and made sure I had taken care of the little details that help make the day go smoother. I called my helper to make sure she everything was still okay, even though we had just talked about this Friday. I got her voice mail so I left a reminder message. When it was close to the time to go I called her again. This time she answered and told me that she had received a call yesterday about an important meeting that she had to be at this afternoon so she couldn't make it after all. So . . .  Doug went back to work. I called the hospital and explained what had happened and rescheduled the appointment. Thankfully they were very understanding. So now we're scheduled to try again April 21.

Since I had already told the kids we weren't having school this afternoon, and now I don't have anything ready, and Amanda's not feeling good anyway. . . I guess I'll go do laundry.

The Son She Loves

Why do we have a system where less support is provided for a family trying to care for their own child than for a foster family to care for the same child?

As a foster/adoptive parent myself I appreciate that support, but how much less need would there be for foster families if the parents were provided with the services needed - sometimes desperately sought but denied.

A mother tonight is trying to deal with pain of having her child placed in the foster care system because she loves him enough to make sure he gets the care he needs. The immediate need is for his safety and the safety of those around him.

He has had a long history of hospitalizations, several cut short because insurance ran out. One time in particular I remember, he had to be sedated so that he could be taken to the car, and all the while staff was telling the family he no longer needed hospitalization.  He was in a residential placement, but was suddenly sent home several months before the projected date.

At this point his family sleeps, when they can, behind locked doors.

When his mother asked again for help from the Dept. of Social Services (specifically for residential treatment) she was told there was no help available due to budget cuts. However a therapeutic foster family can be paid for his care, along with respite care for that foster family, free childcare provided for the foster family, free treatment options, and eventually residential placement if the therapeutic family proves not to be a viable option. Which, at this point, we all know is going to happen. At least all of us who have worked for the last three years trying to provide all the help and stability for him that we could.

In the meantime, mom goes home, made to feel like a horrible parent, to wait for the call saying her child is now going to live in someone else's home. After all these years of struggle her attempts to provide the best she could, to find the help they both needed, and the scars of her fight, are being treated with contempt. In her head she knows she has tried to do everything possible yet her heart aches and she feels beaten down.
 "We can't help you" rings in her ears. "How can you give up your own child?", "You're going to have to pay child support." You may not see him for a long time." "It may take years to get custody back if you do this."

Tonight I'm praying for a reprieve, for a way, for an opening of eyes, ears and hearts. I'm praying for strength, wisdom and comfort for this mother and her son. I'm praying for a mother to be able to keep the son she loves.