When Chairs Fly

What happens when one 11 year old boy, dealing with bipolar and ADHD and feeling very restless and hyperactive, teases (over and over) one 13 year old boy dealing with NLD/AS and unable to access an acceptable solution in that moment of stress?

Chairs begin to fly!

I looked out the window yesterday in time to see one of the chairs from our front porch sailing over the rail and out into the yard. Knowing what was probably happening I ran out to intervene. I had seen this coming earlier in the day, but had hoped going outside to play would use up some of the building energy in both boys. The boys were separated and after a few minutes to calm down I talked to 13. We had a discussion (again) about acceptable options for dealing with these types of instances, about realizing when he's getting upset and understanding what he's feeling. Then I had him find a quiet activity to do that would help him focus on something else and calm down. He chose searchword puzzles. This has been his activity of choice recently when he's feeling restless, bored or upset.

With 11, who was seeming very defensive and hostile at this point I simply had him find a quiet activity. He chose to watch TV. Later in the day, after he was a little calmer, we talked (again) about how other people feel when he says unkind and hurtful things, even though in his opinion he's only teasing.

Both boys were told they would need to stay inside until they showed me they were able to interact appropriately.

The rest of the day went smoothly and both boys were able to enjoy doing things together. They even combined their money later in the day to buy a treat to share.

Alphabet Soup - or - Unique Individuals?

NLD, ADHD, possible AS-Austin age 12

BPD-Gary age 11

BPD-Trevor age 11

ADHD-Adam age 11

ASD-Gordon age 10

ADHD-Kenneth age 9

ADHD-Jacob age 6

ADHD-Grant age 4

ADHD-Kyle age 3

Possible MDS-Michael age 2

This is the alphabet soup we live with/in every day at Rose's House. Some days it's a crazy, wacky place. Some days it's peaceful and quiet. Most day are a combination.

A lot of these kids have come to us from other "caring" or "learning" environments that they have been sent away from. Some have been sent away from multiple places. My heart hurts for them-how can this be effecting them to consistently have doors slammed in their faces? And why? Because they aren't "normal", "typical", or "like everyone else"?

What is normal?

What is typical?

Why must everyone be like everyone else? Wouldn't that make a boring world?

I know all these questions have been asked and discussed before but they are on my mind again the last few days. I began to realize that I was falling into the habit of defining the individual by his/her contribution to the alphapbet soup instead of letting each child's unique characteristics -gifts, trouble spots and all be the defining factors.

So-I'm trying again-

Helpful, Impulsive, Inquisitive, Affectionate-Austin age 12

Helpful, Friendly, Anxious, Active-Gary 11

Silly, Helpful, Sensitive, Energetic-Trevor 11

Smart, Sensitive, Deep Thinker, Helpful-Adam 11

Lovable, Intelligent, Creative, Unpredictable-Gordon 10

Caring, Creative, Active, Cautious-Kenneth 8

Humorous, Sweet, Fidgety, Sensitive-Jacob 6

Energetic, Lovable, Intelligent, Curious-Grant 4

Athletic, Smart, Funny, Very Energetic-Kyle 3

Determined, Survivor, Creative, Cuddly-Michael 2

Or maybe I'm not thinking normally, typically, or like everyone else. I make my own contribution to our alphabet soup-OCD.