Ambitious

I am ambitious. Over ambitious. And hard on myself. Way to hard on myself. I'm also hard on others when they get in the way of my ambitions and I think they are causing me the frustration that I am causing myself. Did that make sense? Not only that, I am a slow learner. As in snail slow. Or slower.

It wouldn't be so bad if I was the only one who suffered because of all these "maladies" but I'm not. My family suffers with me as I go through the cycle of learning these lessons over and over, and over and over. And then once again.

This past weekend was hard. For all of us. Once again I had over planned and under planned. Over planned what all I could accomplish. Under planned the interruptions and delays and even other people's plans and how they might effect mine.

And when things unexpectedly did not go the way I had planned I was unhappy. Very unhappy. At first I was unhappy with everyone around me. Then I realized, again, like I have so many times before (I'm a slow learner remember) that I needed to change my expectations. Both of myself and everyone around me. It's okay if all of life does not stay on a schedule. Life happens. Especially life with kids. And pets. And a husband. And more kids. And when my main ambition is to provide a safe haven (that's just one of my ambitions, but it's the most important one) why I am I irritated with them for getting in the way of my plans for their wonderful life. That just doesn't make sense. At all.

So I regrouped. I rethought and replanned. A less ambitious plan this time. Or maybe not. I just changed my ambition. My current ambition is to be a little less ambitious. We'll see how long it is before I have to relearn this one.